The Red Velvet Rope

By Dan Miller
48days.com

CBN.com – As promised, you will see the theory of the “red velvet rope” in the first article today. I hope you find it energizing and inspirational. In the second article, I share a very personal story – to shed light on a common theme I’m hearing.

Make sure you have kept your dreams alive. Nothing is sadder than to talk to an adult who can no longer even identify any motivating dreams.

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As Woodrow Wilson so eloquently put it, "We grow through our dreams. All great men and women are dreamers. Some, however, allow their dreams to die. You should nurse your dreams and protect them through bad times and tough times to the sunshine and light which always come.”

Your Boundary Line

Have you ever been at one of those big opening night events where all the important people walk the red carpet on the other side of that red velvet rope? Well, let’s imagine that you have a red velvet rope for your life. Who are you going to let inside? What “friends” do you really want to spend your time with? What relatives do you want to allow inside your red velvet rope? If you have a business, what customers will you select?

Don’t just think this is being self-centered or egotistical. If you have no red velvet rope, you will find that your life will be taken over by people and activities that may not be in your best interests. In working with a young lady just recently released from prison, she is seeing that her old friends and hang-outs set her up for the same self-defeating behaviors that led her to prison. She needs to break those connections, hold her red velvet rope up high, and decide who gets in.

This is just like setting and living by your own goals – if you haven’t identified your goals, I can assure you you’re living out someone else’s goals for your life. If you don’t have a red velvet rope, you’ll have customers stealing your valuable time, family members who just want to pull you down to their level, friends who don’t embrace your desires for a higher level of success, and activities that waste your highest areas of contribution.

So define who and what you will allow inside your red velvet rope:

What kind of people do you enjoy being around?
What goals do they have for their own lives?
How are they enriching the lives of other people or making the world a better place?
Are they happy, creative, and optimistic?
What activities do you find energizing and invigorating?
What kind of environment brings out your best talents and makes you feel purposeful and fulfilled?
Now what people and activities will get past the red velvet rope that protects you?

You might just be amazed at the increase you will see in peace, productivity, and profits.

Remember the Aesop fable about The Man, The Boy, and The Donkey? Trying to please everyone is futile. Even Jesus said Woe unto you, when all men shall speak well of you! (Luke 6:26) Use your red velvet rope to weed out the undesirable parts of your life.

Thanks to Mike Estes at BornToWin.com for mentioning this concept to me at a recent lunch conversation.

I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.—Bill Cosby

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The Inexpressible Comfort

In last week’s teleseminar, I responded to the avalanche of questions regarding What’s Holding You Back? In addition to lack of money, fear, procrastination, and no time, I received an unexpected category – that of no spousal support.

Comments like this:
My problem holding me back is my husband. ….When I want to do something, I take off running, deal with the problems when they arise, but my husband is the most negative person and always picks apart everything and tells me all the reasons why it won't work. I think I have some very good ideas, but he won't even listen. I am 46, deep in debt, and he says my ideas are stupid.

Not having the support of those closest to you is a major deal. I know this may sound cheesy, but the most amazing thing I’ve ever done is to marry the woman I married. She’s my biggest cheerleader – she’s given me the freedom to try and fail, and yet continued to love and support me.

We got married very young – and our first home was an 8 x 42 foot trailer. Our first child, Kevin, was born while we lived in that trailer; I built his first bed over the wheel well in the middle room – which was really just a hallway.

At 17 years old, shortly before we got married, Joanne gave me a little romantic book with this quotation highlighted. It became one of the important reference points for our many years together:

Oh, the comfort - the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person - having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all right out, just as they are, chaff and grain together; certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then with the breath of kindness blow the rest away. —Dinah Craik, A Life for a Life, 1859

Years later, when I lost everything in business and we owed hundreds of thousands of dollars, Joanne reminded me that we were totally happy in that little trailer, and if we needed to go back to that, it would be perfectly fine with her. That attitude and unconditional support has been invaluable in allowing me the freedom to really find my path – and the ultimate success we know today.

I say that as a way of acknowledging that lack of spousal support is a major deal. When I work with guys who are going through transition – and they get excited about something innovative and non-traditional – if their wife is not on board, I encourage them to just go find another job.

Now that being said, what can you do if spouse or family and friends are not supportive of your new ideas and the direction you’d like to go?

One of the hallmark characteristics of highly successful people is that they spend time around people who are already performing at the level at which they want to perform.

Some quick tips:

Join 2-3 organizations with like-minded people. Chamber of Commerce, Rotary, TEC, Inventors Group, BNI are just a few of the possibilities.
Form your own mastermind group. I have a group that has been meeting every Wednesday morning for more than 8 years now. We share ideas, study books together, and support each other in many ways.
Read good books. You can open the door to positive, exciting ideas and environments immediately. Here’s my Recommended Reading List.
Seek out a good counselor. Even if you have to go by yourself, find a compassionate listening ear to provide feedback and guidance.
Be the person you know you were meant to be. Don’t pass blame on anyone. Hold your head high and be someone who exudes confidence, boldness, and enthusiasm.

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48 Days Radio

Each week I create a new online radio podcast—that you can hear in iTunes or at the 48 Days Online Radio Show .

Like always, the questions this week were rich and stimulating. Do you know what the FUD Factor is in question #4: That's Fear, Uncertainty, and Doubt -- not exactly man's best friends.

1. My Pastor's wife is looking for me to help her out with selling her paintings and art work. All her work is Christian based and she wants to generate income to help her family. Do you have any ideas for me on how I can show her the steps to take? Thank you.

2. I am on Social Security Disability and am very disabled. I cannot handle any kind of stress without passing out. No money to start anything. I cannot afford necessary food, or your books and packages. ZI intensely desire to be like an ancient man named Enoch, or another named Jesus. Does that make a living?

3. I want to start my own business; however, I have no desire to ever have any employees or manage people. If I have a service business such as lawn care, how do I grow my business without hiring employees? I fear that the business will eventually die because I turned down jobs based on my time limitations.

4. I will be 45 this year and have only had one job I loved and have failed at about everything else I have tried. I am sure I have found a new passion and want to work for myself, but of course the FUD factor is blinding me. I don't want to let down my family and be seen as a failure again. Any Ideas?

5. I am almost 60 years old -- Lots of experience training, teaching, facilitating workshops. I am tired of working and have a passion for speaking and training. Problem: I am scared to death. People tell me I have a great speaking voice, I always get standing ovations, but I am usually frightened to death until I get on stage, then I am fine. It takes me forever to put together a speech because I am so scared of failing. I just need to get started but don't know how. Please advise.

6. In a recent podcast, you spent a great deal of time discussing resources such as books, audio, teleseminars, tradeshows, etc. and you highly recommended that people should immerse themselves in all of the available information for professional growth and development. I love to do just that! However, I have found myself wondering how to avoid "paralysis by analysis" and actually put ideas into action. I can get caught up on the latest ideas and lose focus on a profitable plan. Any suggestions?

If you have a question, just click on the 48 Days Online Radio link below and you can ask about starting your own business, getting a better job, or finding your purpose in life.

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Find Work You Love
The most popular product in the 48 Days arsenal continues to be the Computerized Personality Report. Before you begin seeking a better job or self-employment, you need to be sure you are pursuing opportunities that match your personality style and will fulfill and reward you for a lifetime!

Stay up to date, add your comments, and share your successes at my No More Mondays Blog.

Humor: Dan for President

OK, I've had about 8 people send me this clip, and it's one of the funniest things I've seen. You've got to watch the little video to get the full effect.

But then you'll want to create your own – and who knows where it could go from there?

Dan Miller for President

Dan Miller is the bestselling author of 48 Days To The Work You Love and a renowned Life Coach specializing in career fulfillment. His weekly newsletter reaches 70,000 subscribers. Dan’s articles are featured here at CBN every Tuesday, and you can find out more about Dan at www.48days.com.